Self & Diary

January 2013

My ice cream melted down and messed my blouse today. And an old hairy man who sat at the bench beside gave me an annoying look. LIKE I CARE?? It's my blouse, not yours, OLD MAN! And I gave him a look back in anger. But then a little girl yelled at her mom " MOMMY, I want ice cream". "No honey, later you're gonna smear your shirt like her". I quickly turned around trying to find where the voices came from - saw a young mother and her daughter. Well, she turned away when she realized that I've heard of her. But the little girl is still, looking at my ice cream. It's a bad evening today, I got up and started to walk myself home. With headphones on, both hands in my denim pant's pocket, I lazily walk at the sidewalk.. Listening to my favorite The Smith's song and sing along with it. 

"So please, please, please, let me let me let me get I want this time"

Reached home a bit early today, knocked and turned the door knob to unlock the door. Seemingly the door is locked which means there's nobody at home. Took out the key from my washed-out favorite jacket, opened the door slowly, and at a very lower tone, "I am home.."

I went straight to my room and collapsed into the bed. 

Countless

Figureless smarting

A bunch of dead weight threads

Buried under the corrupt wrap

Pierced by needleless

Drumming the song of vain

Red lights invasion

Should I say snow or autumn?

Cracked the normal code

A so series of swing and whiplash

-STOP!-

Dreary Diary Of A Late Night Thinker

Earlier she called

Whispered good baits

Innocently

Got me hooked, naked

Drifting on and on 

So nude you may behold

Parthenogenesis or something

This orgasm is asexual

Raped my ears

Took charge of my mind

Possessed my soul

And my feet on somewhere so not where the reality is

You're always choking

Destructively they struck you

Always, just always

Should I be the one to back blow you? 

Or am I? All this time?

Wisdom is all your cure

He really never hover

Restrained but care so much

I don't know what makes us

Speechless, nothing else could beat this beautifulness of mute

We are lions that couldn't be tamed in each other's head

We are lambs that are long forsaken and willing to be slaughtered

.exa nur

2.0

It's not new, it continues.
When we were, but we still are.

Yes I love you, I mostly do.
To my dear lady's choice, who I miss the most.

When Alien meets Human

When we look back, there are a lot of things we regret of doing, a lot of places we regret of going, a lot of peoples we regret of knowing, a lot of words we regret of saying, a lot of steps we regret of taking, a lot of sins we regret of committing.. A lot more and more.. Out of those, live the present, learn from past, be grateful of what past has turned you into; more positive and increased-quality human being.



And I feel very lucky to meet you this way, love. Thanks to ALLAH <3>

Writing Seduction

"The Truth Should Never Be Allowed To Live Out Loud"

Ohohh, the very 1st time I ever heard of this line, I've got my cerebrum hooked up! From a song called FRAGILE, sang by SEVEN COLLAR T-SHIRT. I have never been so much looking up into whatever band. My interest is to be set to music. Genre is second. Language is last. Origin? Not in the list. But, one thing to admit is that, only The Strokes can give me an equivalent euphoria similar to orgasm! Haha. Joking. No porn.

Back to the main as aforementioned, this line has so much things to do with me. Well, I just think, some people do think, that truth is sometimes needs to be in the glass jar. Not to be taken out. Not even close to curve out from. Different people with different plateau pattern. Sun up to sun down, things are fickle. Less or more, experience influences a lot in life, and sometimes, a reason is to be diluted, can't be seen, but heart is like a tongue, it 'tastes' almost everything. Reluctant, indifferent, and other siblings of them, are what have been produced from those. Rumor from mind, reminds negatively. Silent makes up satisfaction, to people like us, sometimes. Hiding is an activity. Yet there are beginner, amateur and pro. Truth can never be so right, it's a potential breakup/revolution/war cause. I never intend to make a new principal or new life quote or new philosophy, it's just a line which has caught me up and led me to write something about it. Thank you.

What Has Happened

you said it's harder to leave, 
I said let's talk tomorrow
we're not right
apology or willingness can't correct
when everybody is on your side
I just said "sorry everyone" to myself


came some 150 bucks
she said "I need 50" and she took
another story that she told
she refused to help or calm no more
and to her, he didn't settle pretty well
I just think it's 21 years already


today she told me I was like her
and every guy is just the same
forget is hard, remember is harder
we deny to hurt but we couldn't hurt ourselves,too...
you make jokes, and I just laugh


I smoke the cigars in my eyes
I'm doing 60 on the road, but convincing 190
you know it's hard to explain
looks like you're replaying my previous record
10 plans written, 10 plans escaped
mark down on a map and I just ponder
"For everything happened for a reason"
I keep repeating somehow


last night he said what he thought
and to me he just can't be so true
but I don't know what lust is this
at least one reason that makes me calm and warm
they don't know what I'm through
but dear at least you don't hover
space is my need and we never mind
our heads are not right sometimes
those are what we sought
evoke the feelings that we felt
we play strokes's songs and lean on
everyday we repeat one same ending